Elegy on WordPress

Two days ago Daisy, a dear friend of the family lost her 7-year battle with cancer. This woman, my mother’s best friend, has been in my life since I started Kindergarten. She’d been at every birthday party, graduation, and religious ceremony I’d ever had. I could

Daisy and me on my wedding day
Daisy and me on my wedding day

describe our relationship to be of the aunt/niece variety, complete with plenty of adolescent drama.

When my husband and I decided to get married in September without the bells and whistles of a big wedding, she was one of the select few people who knew about it. And she was there, filming the entire ceremony on my Android phone while I said my vows under a tent in my childhood backyard. When I look at my marriage certificate, it is her scratchy penmanship that stares back at me from the witness line.

I had planned to visit her in the hospital on Wednesday night. I got the message just a few hours before leaving work that she was already gone. While I wish I had the chance to say goodbye, I’m almost glad I didn’t. The final image I have of her is the one from my wedding day, crying just as hard as my own mother was, and not the image of her wasting away in a hospital room.

Today I need to sit through her memorial service. I say “need to” not because I feel forced to attend, but rather because I consider the funeral to be the toughest part in coping with death. After this, I’ll have time to process the loss, maybe even write about her more in-depth.

I know this post is doing a poor job at describing who Daisy was, but I didn’t want to risk the cliche descriptions that people use like, “she was a good person” or “she could light up the room with her smile.” This post is more for me anyway, as selfish as that sounds.

The Attempt to Find Time

So, my college days are over. I graduated in May and landed a job at a local school by August. And as if that weren’t enough, I got hitched in September. Life’s pretty great right now.

I’m lacking balance though. Yeah, I worked 4 jobs through college and balanced a full course load and social life. I thought my schedule would leave me more than prepared for the real world. After all, I wouldn’t have to work a variety of jobs to keep myself afloat once I had a “real” job. In some ways, I was right. In other ways, I’m not done transitioning to adulthood.

I miss having my Friday afternoons off. There’s no such thing as random days off in education, nor are there days that are just 8 hours long. Gone are the time gaps in my schedule that allowed me to pen a blog post or jot down a paragraph to a new fiction piece. Gone are the days where there are no responsibilities or chores to come home to.

Yet, the past few months have been my most productive. I’ve revised a significant portion of my current works in progress. I’ve started mapping out new projects. I have articles written for an outside website on Rheumatoid Arthritis that will be published soon. The amount of time I have to spend on blogging has been greatly reduced, but I’m working overtime to push my writing out into the world. I would consider that a small win.

I’ve been working in spurts. Some weeks are lazy and unproductive. I spend others writing like I only have a few days left to live. Hence the balancing problem. I’m writing, just not the way I should be. I want to come to a point in my balancing act where every day is spent with words. I want to read and absorb great writing and write plenty of great pieces myself. I guess that comes with time and life experience though.